I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
