Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
