If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
