I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
