D3 body, D1 cock
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
