i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
