I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
