I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dicks are not precious.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
