your parents love me but you hate me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
