like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
