I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
