you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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