When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
