Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
