Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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