I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
