going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
