I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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