Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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