The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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