Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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