I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want nice things and good sex
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
