my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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