I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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