found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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