i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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