you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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