Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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