He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
