Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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