I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
