Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
