think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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