I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
