lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
