is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
