I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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