70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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