the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
