is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
