I hate all girls vehemently.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
