i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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