Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
