Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
