My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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