your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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