I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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