stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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