I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
