So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
