i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
