STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
